so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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