a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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