i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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