Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize