mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
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The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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