I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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