I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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