Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize