i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
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Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
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It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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