Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize