Just fell off a train. Bad.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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