omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He shit in the fireplace
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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