shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize