Too much gin, very little bucket
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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