and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
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Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
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And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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