Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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