im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
So. Much. Porn.
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