Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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