come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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