dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize