You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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