Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize