girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize