i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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