All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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