After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize