I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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