I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize