I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize