ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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