i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize