Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize