I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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