Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
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I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
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Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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