She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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