just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
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I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
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once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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