you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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