Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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