I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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