i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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