I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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