i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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