I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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