So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
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what is it with giant penises always finding me
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
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I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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