Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
you would pick up someone in the library
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All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
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i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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