I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
i need some magic done to my vagina
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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