She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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