i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize