I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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