When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
