Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
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