Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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