There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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